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Head Lines:
Writings on Children and Education

The Case for Boredom

2/26/2016

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“Dad, I’m bored.” This is one of my son’s regular statements to me. It used to bother me. A lot.  

I mean this kid has been to more places and has more toys and gadgets at age 7 than I had my entire life. He lives a charmed existence. I used to get upset and preach to him (predictably) about how “When I was a kid, I (blah blah blah’d) all day and NEVER complained!” His eyes would roll into the back of his head, and he’d eventually turn around and walk away.   

Recently my wife and I have come to the somewhat terrifying realization that our son doesn’t know how to play. And it’s because he simply hasn’t had enough practice. And the culprit is a dreaded ten-letter word. ENRICHMENT. Does my seven-year-old need to be able to play soccer, take swim lessons, learn the violin, grasp programming and robotics, learn to ice skate, and learn Spanish? All right now and all at once?  

It doesn’t stop with parents either. Schools today face an overwhelming pressure to overly academify (I think I just made that word up) their programs starting in pre-K. Kids need to be able to read, write, and split the atom by the time they are four. It seems that what we may be producing now is a nation of children whose every waking moment is directed by adults. That can’t be good.

What kids learn in their free play at school and at home is self-control, problem-solving, listening, taking turns, delaying gratification, sharing, respecting personal space, controlling their emotions, and other social-emotional skills. Aren’t those skills at least as important as reading, writing, and arithmetic?

Is there a correlation between the decline of play in preschoolers and the rise in sensory issues that we see with so many kids today? This blog post from pediatric occupational therapist Angela Hanscom makes a pretty compelling case. What about a correlation in the decline of play and the rise in children’s mental disorders?

So I’ve decided it doesn’t bother me when my son says “I’m bored” anymore. In fact, I hope to hear it more often. I’ve come to the realization that play time is primary to the success of our children and that boredom is the playmate of imagination.
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The Benevolent Dictatorship

2/9/2016

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Believe it or not, most of the questions I get from parents as a Head of School have nothing to do with curriculum or schedules or assessments. Most are about parenting. And most parents want my input on how to raise happy, smart, and motivated kids (check out this really great article on how to do that). Now I am 42, and truth be told, I am finding my way through this whole parenting thing myself. I often joke with people that I run a school of 300 students and 298 of them listen to me, referencing my own lack of skill at handling my seven-year-old son and four-year-old daughter. At times I feel just as clueless as the next parent when it comes to raising my kids. The irony of course is that I have a ton of training and degrees in the latest and greatest ways to educate children.

But I catch myself at times (when I am frustrated or tired) engaging my children as peers rather than as children. I am fond of telling other parents when referring to my kiddos that I don't “negotiate with terrorists." But I do. I consult them rather than parent them. This article, which includes an interview with noted family physician and psychologist Dr. Leonard Sax, reminds me that I have to stop doing that and trust myself more as a parent. My parents were amazing.  I know what good parenting looks like.  

Parenting is a benevolent dictatorship, not a democracy. Now, sure, there are times when choice and a voice are appropriate and productive, but there is nothing wrong with saying, "Because I'm your father/mother and I said so." It has become an often repeated phrase in our house in the last few years, and I am not apologizing for it. We don't have to justify our decisions to our children. They are not our peers and some decisions are not theirs to make, such as what they eat for dinner, when they get to use the iPad, and where they go to school. Those are my decisions as a parent. Whether they know it or not, children crave firm boundaries and clear directions. It helps them to feel safe and enables them to learn. Oh, and it helps them to be happy, smart, and motivated, too.
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    Head of Elmwood Franklin School Andrew Deyell shares with the EFS community—and the world—his thoughts on issues regarding teaching, learning, and family matters.

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