Believe it or not, most of the questions I get from parents as a Head of School have nothing to do with curriculum or schedules or assessments. Most are about parenting. And most parents want my input on how to raise happy, smart, and motivated kids (check out this really great article on how to do that). Now I am 42, and truth be told, I am finding my way through this whole parenting thing myself. I often joke with people that I run a school of 300 students and 298 of them listen to me, referencing my own lack of skill at handling my seven-year-old son and four-year-old daughter. At times I feel just as clueless as the next parent when it comes to raising my kids. The irony of course is that I have a ton of training and degrees in the latest and greatest ways to educate children.
But I catch myself at times (when I am frustrated or tired) engaging my children as peers rather than as children. I am fond of telling other parents when referring to my kiddos that I don't “negotiate with terrorists." But I do. I consult them rather than parent them. This article, which includes an interview with noted family physician and psychologist Dr. Leonard Sax, reminds me that I have to stop doing that and trust myself more as a parent. My parents were amazing. I know what good parenting looks like.
Parenting is a benevolent dictatorship, not a democracy. Now, sure, there are times when choice and a voice are appropriate and productive, but there is nothing wrong with saying, "Because I'm your father/mother and I said so." It has become an often repeated phrase in our house in the last few years, and I am not apologizing for it. We don't have to justify our decisions to our children. They are not our peers and some decisions are not theirs to make, such as what they eat for dinner, when they get to use the iPad, and where they go to school. Those are my decisions as a parent. Whether they know it or not, children crave firm boundaries and clear directions. It helps them to feel safe and enables them to learn. Oh, and it helps them to be happy, smart, and motivated, too.
But I catch myself at times (when I am frustrated or tired) engaging my children as peers rather than as children. I am fond of telling other parents when referring to my kiddos that I don't “negotiate with terrorists." But I do. I consult them rather than parent them. This article, which includes an interview with noted family physician and psychologist Dr. Leonard Sax, reminds me that I have to stop doing that and trust myself more as a parent. My parents were amazing. I know what good parenting looks like.
Parenting is a benevolent dictatorship, not a democracy. Now, sure, there are times when choice and a voice are appropriate and productive, but there is nothing wrong with saying, "Because I'm your father/mother and I said so." It has become an often repeated phrase in our house in the last few years, and I am not apologizing for it. We don't have to justify our decisions to our children. They are not our peers and some decisions are not theirs to make, such as what they eat for dinner, when they get to use the iPad, and where they go to school. Those are my decisions as a parent. Whether they know it or not, children crave firm boundaries and clear directions. It helps them to feel safe and enables them to learn. Oh, and it helps them to be happy, smart, and motivated, too.
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